How to Avoid Dating

By:  Miko Legaspi
Reformed Convicted Serial Dater

Kung nais mo ang mag-ipon ng mga dahilan kung bakit dapat ka munang magdelay ng dating, I recommend book ni pareng Joshua Harris titled “I Kissed Dating Goodbye”.  Medyo Christian-based nga lang ang approach nito pero workable naman.

This piece isn’t about “why” not date, its about HOW.  Kung hindi ka komportableng humiram ng powers mula sa itaas para makaiwas sa mga tukso, read on for a fool-proof procedures para ang mga tukso na ang umiwas sau.  These are simple undating plans that you could follow, ignore them at your own peril.

Plan #1:
Mag-mukang Busabos.

In this very superficial ADHD world, ang mag mukang taong grasa is the best way for those pesky suitors to avoid you.  Hindi sapat ang mukhang-bagong-gising na buhok, its already a hairstyle.  Kailangan mo rin ng hindi paliligo at pagto-tooth brush.  Pag may nag do-donate na sau ng sabon, it means your on the right track.

Ang problema mo dito is when you decide to reenter the dating scene.  Kung nagkaron ka ng seryosong kaso ng halitosis qualifying you for Guiness Book record, mahirap ng bawiin yon. 

Plan #2:
Maging Ermitanyo

Wag mag-unli.  Wag magchat.  Wag magcheck ng social/dating sites.  Iparating sa mga umaaligid na dater na ang pinakamabilis na paraan para makontak ka ay sa local na umalohokan (town-crier) o kaya ay homing-pigeon.  Physically moving to another location is a nice start, like somewhere in Tibet.

Ito ay mabisang paraan at hindi kasing irreversible tulad ng Plan #1.  This plan is what I currently follows.  Madalang mag load, once a week lang magcheck ng g4m, downelink at special account sa friendster.

Plan #3:
Optimize Time-Management

Eto ang pinaka productive na plan.  Instead of battling your dates upfront, you chase other goals that leave you energy drained to entertain anyone.  Having a workaholic / perfectionist boss would help.  Kailangan mapuno ang organizer mo down to a fraction of a second.  Pwede ka lang kausapin ng mga persistent dater habang umihi ka (taking a $hit needs concentration kaya hindi pwede).  Dinner is a big no-no dahil you need to combine it with other focus-intensive activities like your juggling practice or turning water into wine. 

Following this plan, I increased my net worth 15 percent in one month (negative something na lang ito ngaun, konting buwan pa magiging positive na, hehehe).

Plan #4:
Have a Lousy Personality

Pag nakorner ka ng isang dater,  being a bore or mean would do the trick.  One example is to talk only about yourself.  Like this: 

Miko:  About me, about me, about me, about me.
Dater:  Err…
Miko:  Ok, now its your turn =)
Dater:  (Whew!) Uhm…
Miko:  Tell me what do you think about me?  =)

Ingat lang din sa reputation points, coz like plan #1, baka mahirapan ka sa comeback mo. 

Plan #5
Be a MasterBater

Recent studies show masturbating 5 times a week reduce the risk of prostate cancer, relieves depression and lead to a higher sense of self-worth.  Imagine mo kung gagawin mo itong 5 times a day.  Malamang sa loob lang ng isang lingo, hindi ka na tatablan ng bala o kaya matututo ka na ring lumipad!  Pero ang main goal natin jan e maubos ang bala mo.  Para sa mga makikipag date sau na ang habol lang ay shag, maipaparamdam mo sa kanila na wala ka ng “ibubuga”.

So far, yan pa lang ang naiisip kong plans to avoid dating.  Share kayo ng plan nyo how to stay (temporarily) single.  =)  Lalo na ung mga single jan without effort from their part, their advice is very welcome.  =)