Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Honesty

Pasenxa na mga readers, gripping (nagma-maasim) lang ako.  Today, I ended a one year long dating.  Hindi ko na-describe maiigi un sa last blog ko, but it was a very meaningful and fulfilling experience.  It was indeed a roller coaster ride… with tears, blood and laughter along the way.  I really thought we could make it.

If you search for tenderness
It isn't hard to find
You can have the love you need to live
But if you look for truthfulness
You might just as well be blind
It always seems to be so hard to give

Sabi ng bestfriend ko, masyado daw akong idealistic.  I shouldn’t expect anyone will be honest with you all the time.  Pero alam niyang kaya un.  Dahil he is an honest guy.  And he knows me to be true, with a dozen of our friends who will not resort in lying unless buhay na ang nakataya.  For us, its not an idealism, its normal.  But I’ve seen a lot of liars, I hang out with them, some even became good friends.  It don’t matter to me much that they lie.

But to you, whom I gave a part of my heart, its only the thing that I asked.

Honesty is such a lonely word
Everyone is so untrue
Honesty is hardly ever heard
And mostly what I need from you

My ex-date is a great guy.  Nakasundo nya ang barkada ko, ang family ko.  But most of all, he was patient, he was kind, and caring.  He looks good too.  And funny.  Meron din xang mga flaws like everybody has.  But those I can tolerate.

Some people say terrible things about him.  They claim that they witnessed… experienced… proved that he don’t deserved to be cared for, to be loved.  Hindi ako nakinig.  I gave him absolute trust, something I rarely give to anyone.  I accepted and tolerated all technicalities, all worming around, all borderline-lies.  But when I experienced being lied to, for the second time, a lie without loophole… plain, hard, sharp lie, the part of my heart I gave bleed, numbed, died.

I can always find someone
To say they sympathize
If I wear my heart out on my sleeve
But I don't want some pretty face
To tell me pretty lies
All I want is someone to believe

I considered the year we spent together.  Ang mga moments na tahimik lang kaming magkayakap sa batuhan sa tabi ng dagat ng Manila Bay, ang lamayan sa paglalaro ng DotA, long dinners where we talk endlessly about anything, hawak-kamay at maghalikan kahit saan, ang sandalan sa bus at kahit anong sasakyan.  Those times na panatag ang puso, at nararamdaman mong kontento ka. 

I considered the storms we faced, survived, overcame.  Ang mga petty quarrels, or week long fights.  Ang mga walking out, and those silent cries till dawn.

I considered the what-ifs.  What if I can’t find another one, and can’t start a new beginning?  What if I am really just being too idealistic?  What if he do deserved a third chance?

I can find a lover
I can find a friend
I can have security
Until the bitter end
Anyone can comfort me
With promises again
I know, I know

Kinapa ko ang parte ng puso ko na binigay ko sa kanya, na isinoli nya na ngaun.  And like trust and crystal ball, it was once cracked, now its shattered, irreparably broken.  And when I do fix a broken heart, the broken pieces just wound me even more.

When I'm deep inside of me
Don't be too concerned
I won't ask for nothin' while I'm gone
But when I want sincerity
Tell me where else can I turn
Because you're the one I depend upon

Shaw, I have no regrets.  At kung babalik ako sa past, sa part when I first decided to date you, I still would.  And maniwala ka man o hindi that I care, Shaw, I still do. 

I just couldn’t give my heart to you anymore.

31 comments:

Vaughn Edward Madrinan said...

hey miko.. don'i'm sure you'll find the right one in due time.

Miko Legaspi said...

thanks po.

frank hunkenstein said...

May you find closure soon. DOn't worry. I (still) don't know much about you but my intuition says you are a great guy; thus, you deserve someone great too! :)

Miko Legaspi said...

salamat po.
closed na naman.
i just ranted it,
pero ok na ko.

salamat po uli.

juan paolo fernandez said...

argh! naunahan ako ng bestfriend ko hahaha!
(kaway-kaway...smile and winks)
well, miko kasalanan mo din ito...
ikaw kasi choosy ka pa hahaha!
but what i can tell you right now is
let your heart bleed but let it heal too.
chill out man... remember
too many boys... too little time
hahaha... dont fret!

Miko Legaspi said...

nyahaha,
choosy ba ako?
hahaha
i really though we could make it,
so i gambled,
eh natalo, hahaha.

sorry na ha,
i got dirty,
but you see,
i learned!

hahaha akmang patalastas ng gatas,
hahaha
=)

ipon lang ako ng resources uli,
then sugal uli
sa laro ng buhay.

salamat po sa comments,
it helps.

juan paolo fernandez said...

no problem...
tsk! what are friends for... hehe!
*winks*

btw, you can always give a third chance!
happiness is a choice... right?

Miko Legaspi said...

nope,
i was trained
to uphold the honor-code
and once is enough,
my generousity (hahaha, yabang)
extends it to twice.

a third time?
siguru ung ibang miko
sa alternate universe magpapauto,
but not me,
i can and will choose to be happy,
even if it has to be with somebody else.

juan paolo fernandez said...

parang ang sama nun last 2 lines hahaha
napilitan lang nyahaha!
tama yan...
if it has to then it has to hahaha!
asim talaga haha!

Miko Legaspi said...

hahaha, hindi napilitan
hindi lang ako eager ngaun.

Pat Pat said...

awts. sayang naman. tsk tsk

Julius De Leon said...

Naku naku naku ayoko magsalita hahaha. At nandamay ka pa ha at nagsabong some of ur good friends are liars. Loko ka ha. Hahaha. Naku buti naman at nagising na siya sa katotohanan ay este ikaw. Pero bibigyan ko ng taning ang arte arteng ito.

Miko Legaspi said...

hindi sayang un, tama lang, hahaha

Miko Legaspi said...

nyahaha,
hindi ka naman kabilang don sa liars,
you've always been
and will always be
a true friend!

hahaha

bigyan mo ng taning madam,
pero i hope it will just be like
the rest of "another used to be"
hahaha

Pat Dacanay said...

nice one..ang tapang naman ng blog mo..i like it..

di ako makapagpayo ng matino bout this kasi pag ako nasa katayuan mo siguro tuliro na ko..

be brave miko..

someone will come along..

and eventually find you...



Ae†ernus Vorago said...

I, too don't have any regrets.

I also thought that we could make it but unfortunately, we didn't. An ending that is too much for me to accept. But it has its purpose.

I don't have any more words to say because its just too painful. Yes, its just too painful.

Last words, I'm sorry for it.

Miko Legaspi said...

ok na naman po.
i'm sorry din,
i know i said hurtful words,
i tried to overcome
the inevitable anger
that comes with betrayal,
pero i was/am still weak.

sorry po talaga shaw.

i believe
somehow,
it will be for the two of us.

i wish you luck sa
future relationships mo.

Miko Legaspi said...

salamat po.
i appreciate the encouragements.

thanks again.

Ae†ernus Vorago said...

Ok na naman po.

I understand you. It just sad that i wasn't the person to whom you can overcome your limitations. I know it was my fault and i admit it. Thanks for being that person to me.

I will not wish coz 'wish' denotes impossibility but instead, i will hope you luck sa future relationships mo.

'BillyBoi' ' said...

hmmm...

naku lover boi...asim nga...

ull be fine... and I know he will be fine too.

Pat Pat said...

naman! haha. taas noo talaga ako sau eversince.. hihi


galing mo lolz. hahaha

Miko Legaspi said...

yup,
i'm already well.
lam mo naman di me
magmamaasim ng matagal,
:P

Miko Legaspi said...

nyahahaha,
ur still young pa kasi
mare-reach mo rin tong level na to.
hahaha

Miko Legaspi said...

i know somehow
you can read this,
but its not about limitations,
you know i already did that,
many times in many ways.

but compromising integrity
is way out of the question.

i will hope you will find that person
who will tolerate everything that you will do,
coz we both know from the very start,
i will not.

ethan joever Peña said...

ayan nagmamaasim p din b itong s miko, jules??? hayyyyyy miss ko n kayo guys... its been a long time... thursday group di n ulit nagkita

Pat Pat said...

i lurve it!

Miko Legaspi said...

nyahaha,
tungaks
tapos na akong magmaasim
hahaha,

miss ko na rin kaung lahat.

ethan joever Peña said...

ganun b??? ok mr. not maasim anymore n ang tawag ko sayo... nyahahaha
ingat k lagi ah!!!
yaan u makikita u din po ung right one para sau...

Miko Legaspi said...

yup
i'm looking nga
hahaha

Ervin ® said...

hmmm

kung papipiliin ako.. gusto ko dun sa part na una tayong nag kakilala. i'll feel the same

Miko Legaspi said...

papipiliin? what part po na nagkakilala? (confused)