Parting from Billy

A book is not judged by the number of pages, but the quality of content. But a thick, multivolume book is more detailed, complex, and in its own way, fulfilling.

So i can't help being sorrowful. Darn you! You closed your book too early Billy. You left a wife, a son, a family, and a whole set of good friends mournful about your parting.

At first, when I heard of your passing, I was so mad i decided I won't talk to you forever. And you knowing this is me being silly (again), i decided to write you a blog that you won't/can't physically read, ever.

You would know the secret of death.

But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?

Remember my character sketch about you? That you are my fox, unique in all the world for I have made you a friend. And for four years of intermittent communications, we remained still as friends, separated by distance, but closer in spirit.

I've seen you had a good life, not all laughs, but not all tears either. Not all excitement, and not all boring. A life of valleys, and mountain peaks, of sinkholes, and cliffs. And then, the universe took you.

Maybe it really is too early, Billy. But i'm glad to know you now have your well deserved final rest.

Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.

And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.

And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.

I bet you sought and found the secret of parting, Billy. You parted from us with your eyes closed, but heart opened. Thank you for sharing your heart, graciously.

Living Life to the Fullest

.attend wedding in intramuros at 0900H... another wedding, same day... 1500 at QC... gimik nyt with the entourage till 2200H... need to exit fast... travel to bataan midnight... will climb mt. tarac early morning.

"Di ko kaya ang ginagawa nyo sir,
Pagod na tayo d2 sa kasal,
akyat pa kayo ng bundok bukas?
Grabe!"
My reply: Hehehe, live your life to the fullest.

...0830H training in security till 1130H, no break.... 1330H advance fire fighting till 1630H, no break... 1800H project making... 1900H special lesson... 2130H meeting with group leader... 2230H watch Spartacus with cadets.

Miko: "Sinong gustong gumawa nitong Breathing Aparatus Control Board? Saka itong anti-terrorist checklist?"
Cadet1: Kami Miks.
Cadet2: Miks, kami na lang!
Cadet3: Sir, kami kulang pa. Dapat kami ang gumawa!
Training Officer 1: Hala Sir Miko, anong ginawa mo sa mga kadete mo?! Bakit nag-aagawan ng trabaho? Sa department namin, nagtuturuan at nagpapasahan.
Cadet1: Nahawa kami ke Miko, W... Workaholic!
Miko: Xempre, living life to the fullest.

Work and Play in Palawan and Boracay in May. Attend Wedding in Ilo-ilo and join Multi-level Marketing in June. Vacation in Nueva Vizcaya or/and Cagayan in July. Trip to Pangasinan and/or Zambales in August. Finish design and construction of interior of own room and the family entertainment room in September.


... work.

play.

earn.

design.

date.

rinse.

repeat...


Papa: Hindi ka napapagod 'nak? Para kang pating. galaw ka ng galaw...
Miko: Kaya nga 'pa. Para akong pating, mamatay ako pag huminto akong gumalaw.

Colleague: You need to find your anchor, or anything that can make you grounded. Mag-asawa ka na kaya?
Miko: No way!!! Marami pa akong gagawin!

Boss1: Miko-san. We like very much your contribution in the program. We believe that without you, it might collapse. But always remember, first priority... your health. We very much fear you overwork yourself. Please rest whenever needed. Understand?
Miko: Wakaremasu!

I'm thinking about it now. Maybe I do move around alot. That it's about time to find that relationship that can (at least in a way) keep my feet grounded. Or that badly needed rest. Maybe, all of them are right...

But if I stop, I won't feel i'm living. What I learned keeps me experiencing and creating. And the result of what I'm doing keeps me addicted. As my experience grows, so does my perspective, and meaning. As the places i've been to expanded, so my acquaintances grow numerous - including those moments I share with them in between.

In my work, I do not aim to be the Best, I aim to be the Only one who can do it. In my family and friends I do not aim to be with them Everytime, but to be there in that very particular time when no one is around and they badly need someone. I do not simply want to leave this world with a Family, I aim to leave it with a Legacy.

And that, for me, is living life to the fullest. Spending my life on activities that can outlast it.

After 3 Years!

Wow!

Kung hindi dahil kay ericthespaceoutjunkie, hindi ko na uli mabibisita ang blog na to. i even forgot it existed. waahahah.

Now, what happened since I posted my Islander tsinelas??

Well, my Zero Dating for One Year Goal was successfully completed and extended till now (almost three years) T_T

I found out, pag nagzero ka sa lovelife, magzo-zoom ang career. And that was what happened. I got offered a project that sent me to Japan for training and to have a post-graduate studies in Solent University (UK). Hehehe.

I got my B- sa lakbayan.net

I organized a non-profit org that assisted two orphanage one school.

Nah, i'm not bragging, I'm just saying I've been busy.

In fact, I was sssooo busy I've been branded "superman" by three different person (one friend, one boss and one potential date).

And since I'm already bragging (though I said I'm not), hehehe, i will post here how he described me:

"Days with Superman

Who? Yes Superman. I just met him. I know it's mythical to say. But even with my own eyes and experience I just knew him. He is unbelievably extra ordinary, mysterious, and rational. For some period in my life he flew right into my face to say "hi". That he is just around. Watching. Probably waiting? Well Clark Kent is unnoticeable right? Yes at first he is just a geeky Clark Kent that my eyes never lose a wink to linger. But he proved to me that there is more to Clark Kent. That he has great power. I never knew that. And as we know power comes with great responsibility. From then I never imagine putting my picture by the side of someone like Superman. It's because he's everybody's Superman. So who am I to have a constant space in his responsibility?

I'm just an ordinary citizen like Lois Lane. But far from being more than a bird and more than a plane, I know it's not easy to be him. Out of the hundreds of people he serve, Lois Lane just want to know if Superman's kryptonite will be on hand as key. And out of all the extra ordinary traits he has, would that include an extra ordinary feeling? He was never that normal, never was perfect, never was the ideal, never expected. I don't know if I should say if there's still "to be continued" at the next page of this comic book. But who knows. Lois lane will still be Lois lane.. will be just .. yes .. here .. waving for Superman. Waiting to land again right in front of my eyes... And smile.. "

Hehehehe, cheesy noh? Since he already claimed my powers and responsibility, I was inspired... To share what I experienced.

Thus, henceforth, pipilitin kong ma-update ang blog na to, at least twice and thrice a month. n_n

“I’m HIV Positive”

Kinilabutan ako.  Parang napunta uli ako sa Lithuania ng December (-17 Degrees Celsius).  I considered the effect – Anxiety, Hatred, Depression, Suicidal Tendency.  May taning na agad ang buhay, for someone so young.  Nakakapangilid ng luha.  

Ito ang mga naramdaman ko ng malaman kong HIV+ ang isa sa mga kakilala ko.  In my line of work, required kami sa regular medical check-up.  At ang paungas-ungas na testing center na pinuntahan nya, walang konsiderasyon na brinodcast ang condition nya.  

Sana hindi ko na lang nalaman.  Hindi ko alam kung papano mag-re-react sa harap nya.  Will I act normally, like nothing is wrong? Or will I show care and concern para maramdaman nyang I’m here not to discriminate but to help?  If I choose the latter, hindi ba sya mahiya, sa akin at sa sarili nya, and make matters worst.  

Hindi naman ako natatakot mahawa sa kanya (dahil wala naman akong planong may ibang “mamagitan” sa amin).  Hindi ko lang talaga alam ang tamang pakikitungo at papano ako makakatulong.  

Side facts:
“Hindi nakukuha ang HIV
mula sa paghahalikan, pagbebeso-beso,
laway, yakapan, pag-ubo,
pawis, luha, hatsing o pagbahing,
pakikipagkamayan, paghihiraman ng mga damit,
pakikisalo sa pagkain, paghiram ng mga kubyertos,
kagat ng lamok, pagtabi sa pagtulog,
at paggamit ng kubeta."
------------Wikipedia  

With these in mind, hindi ako kinakabahan.  Lalo na kung ia-apply natin agad ang ABCDE to minimize risk of contracting any form of STD.  

A:  Abstinence.  Sa lalaking tagalog, it means “magkamay”.  Hehehe.  Dati, ang philosophy ko, kung walang babaeng available, at kung may cute guy naman na pwede, bakit ako magsosolo?  (wahahaha, but that was before ako makabili ng murang maturity sa Quiapo).  Now I believe, kung hindi ako sure na safe sya, at hindi ko talaga sya gusto, it’s better na magsolo kesa magkasakit.  

B:  Be Faithful.  Hindi na uso ang paramihan ng makakasex ngaun.  I would like to promote patagalan.  How long is your… (no, not your package) longest relationship.  It’s not the quantity of the people that you had or the flowers you traveled to, but the quality of the relationship and the sweetness of its nectar.  

C:  (Correct) Condom Use.  This one should be non-negotiable.  Pag walang supot, walang kan*ot (No ID, No Entry? Hehehe).  Sometimes, it’s always better to bring this little rubber armor of yours.  Kesa biglaan kang makipag-inuman… at malasing.. and who knows how crazy you can get when you’re drunk.  

D:  (Don’t Use) Drugs.  Zero tolerance ako dito (pati smoking).  So walang syringes na pumapasok sa katawan ko (except the vaccines that my company can think of).  And those poppers and Es...  Bahala na kayo.  

E:  Early Diagnosis and Treatment.  Maliban sa company ko na regular required medical check-up, I have my friends/sponsors na lagi akong kinukulit sa check-up.  “Pinag-aaral ka namin.  We’re investing on you, so you can’t die on us yet.”  Thoughtful friends no?  

So bottom-line, let us all be aware about this threat.  HIV and AIDS are truly here!  Hindi ito tsismis na mapapanood mo lang sa TV or mababasa sa mga blog (na katulad ng site ko).  Hindi ito kaya ng biogesic, surgery, dasal at kung ano pang treatment.  Now, it is as real as the person next to me.   

Ingat?!

Looking Back and Forward

As part of my personal New Year tradition, i'm looking back sa goal na na-iset ko last year, and will make new goals for this year.

Mabulabog ang 2009, pero all in all, may malaking growth sa career.  Zero talaga ang lovelife, either may iba na ang gusto ko or hindi ako gusto.  Ang may gusto naman sa akin; may asawa, injanong panot, o may kakulangan sa pag-iisip.

All in all, eto ang summary ng goals versus achievement ko.

1.  Dating
Nagkatotoo ang hula sa lovelife ko for the whole 2009.  Zero the whole year.  sana magkatotoo uli ang hula nya na mamayagpag naman ako this year.  wahahaha.

2.  Published Magazine
I only manage to made one (agains the goal four).  hehehe.  On draft ang 2.  Although hindi ako kasama sa feature story, i got two photos naman from different articles. wahaha.  Na-feature na rin naman ako sa isang tv show about my work at naextra sa isang international magazine, kaya ok na un.  wahahaha.

3.  Raise networth --% of last year's value.
wahahaha.  i don't wanna brag.  kaya ngiti-ngiti na lang ako d2.

4.  Campings (tour belt)
Hehehe.  Actually, mejo masama din ang napapasobra.  Four campings lang ang planned ko d2, pero it was extremely difficult to resist the allure of Coron and Caramoan Island.  Huhuhu.  Malaki din ang gastos.  But the experience is worth it.

5.  Put up a non-profit org
Well, i'm the current president of the board of trustees.  hehehe.  managed to support 2 orphanages and launch different activities.

6.  Blog!
Well, need i say more?  Hindi ko akalain na fulfilling the other dreams would leave me no time to do this one.  And since i failed on Dating, so i guess wala nang mag-iisip na me kinakarir ako kaya hindi ako nakapag-blog.  hehehe.

So if i will compute the figures, 73.2% ang achievement ko sa stated goal.  Plus, meron akong hidden goals that passed me.  wahahaha.

Now, for this 2010 i have Three Guiding Words

STRENGTHEN
1.)  Increase my weight, adding 22lbs before the year end.  hehehe.  It also includes increasing stamina.  Hhhmm.  10 laps in the pool or 3 rounds in the academy?  both tough.  T_T

2.)  Make a passive income! Kahit 3 figures lang per month.

BROADEN
1.)  Start dating!  wahahaha.  I'll expand my contacts and maintain it. Maybe go out to city 2x a month.

2.)  Expand my Interest.  Start practicing again photography and marksmanship.  Hehehe.  I have a DSLR na, sniper riffle na lang ang kulang. At kung matutuloy ang pakikipagdate ko, i'll have 3 different "shootings" to do. wahaha.
 
BRIGHTEN
1.)  Make life more colorful.  I'm scheduled to study in Solent University, UK in june.  Will do my best to make it a blast.  Maintain 4 campings a year.  Add another 2 in my Tour Belt.

2.)  Perform community service.  Hehehe.  Hindi naman nabibili ang halo, pinagtatrabahuhan. hahaha.  Nah, i'm not religious, but helping out really ligthen up my life.  continue support of one orphanage, and 3 other activities.

Now, that is my Goal this year.  Strengthen - Broaden - Brighten Two Thousand Ten!

n_n  

Ang Kapalaran ni Miko Ayon sa Manghuhula

Sometime last January, hinulaan ako ni Mrs. Alminaza,

“Dahil Water ka at Earth ang taon ngaun,
Hindi magiging maganda ang love life mo.
Laging makikialam ang career.”

At tumpak ang hula nya.  Dahil February 2009, pinadala ako sa Japan ng company ko ngaun.  At sunod-sunod na business trip for the whole six months.  Ayus ang career, it’s really taking off.  But lovelife?  Zero.  November na ngaun, at malabo naman ang mga prospect.

During lunch today - Nov 18 2009 - I asked again the Fortune Teller.

“Dahil water ka at metal next year,
Makakakita ka ng success sa hahanapin mo.
At tandaan mo tong sasabihin ko,
Apat na taon kang mamamayagpag
Basta’t maging honest ka lang at wag maging negative.”

Wahahaha!!! May ganun!  Xet!  Sobra naman akong natuwa.  Honesty and Positivity?  Well, yakang-yaka yun.

In preparation for my upcoming lovelife next year, hinihingi ko sa Universe ang Guy na kukulitin ko for four years (and hopefully for life) hehehe.  Eto ang hinahanap ko:

AYOKO ng maarte at reklamador.
GUSTO ko ng maisasama ko sa bundok, mapapahiga ko sa banig at mapapakain ng tuyo o sardinas.

AYOKO ng tamad at walang trabaho. wala akong pakialam sa sasahudin nya,
GUSTO ko lang, pag nakita kami ng ibang tao, walang mag-iisip na may money involved.

AYOKO ng astig or mas maangas sa akin.
GUSTO ko ung hindi masyadong halata, pero he knows he is the "lady" in the relationship.

AYOKO ng malaki ang katawan.
GUSTO ko yung mejo payat. yung tipo na pag-nagkasauntukan kami, hindi ako dehado. (i'm not violent, contingency plans lang, hehehe).

and finally,

AYOKO ng sobrang gwapo. hindi ako kampante.
GUSTO ko yung pwede kong maiwan sa gimikan ng walang masyadong makikipag-flirt sa kanya.

Yan na Universe.  Mukang pang X’mas Gift ang hinihingi ko, pero kahit late, mahihintay ko.  Hehehe

-------------
Items "I'm Looking for a Guy" is a reposted entry in my Downelink account.  Photocredits to cemac from deviantart.com

On Love and Relationship

Wag nyo kong awayin sa maasim na isinusulat ko.  Eto ang epekto ng more than 17 months of Zero Dating.  I just wanna share my whole concept of love and relationship summarized eloquently by a poem:

After a While
by Veronica Shoffstall

After a while you learn
The subtle difference between
Holding a hand and chaining a soul

Dito ako madalas na nadadale, hahaha.  Marami kasing nagpapanggap na nagmamahal, but they mistaking to Love and to Own.  Maraming humihintong magmahal, dahil hindi sila minamahal.
I remember one time, i said, "I love you."
the other person said, "I'm sorry, I can't"
at sabi ko, "That is irrelevant.  ang sabi ko mahal kita, sinong may sabing dapat mahalin mo ako?"
and when that person smiled, our relationship continues till now, 7 years and counting.  But sure way it's different from everyone thinks. n_n

And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn
That kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises

Isa lang ang lesson dito.  Wag mag-assume!  Maraming taong napa-praning pero friendship, companionship or libog lang pala ang gusto sa kanila ng iba.  Iba't-iba ang level ng pag-aasume.  Eto ay ang sumusunod.
Level 1 - Eto ang pinaka mababang level.  Ni-view lang ng crush mo ang profile mo, in-assume na na na me gusto rin xa sau.
Level 2 - Nginitian ka, at meron kayong small talks.  Feeling mo, misis ka na nya.
Level 3 - You did hang-out sa coffee shop or bars.  Tapos mang-aaway ka pag may nakita kang pinapa-cute-an nya.
Level 4 - Me "nangyari" na sa inyo isang beses after 3 bottles of beer.  Nag-eempake ka na kinabukasan to move in his apartment.
Level 5 - Highest level.  Eto ang the best.  Halos manhid ka na.  You are more than friends na, pero you still believe your less than lovers. 

Kaya para sa kin, it's better na maging manhid, kesa mag-assume (formula is assumption = expectation + disappointment + pahiya ka noh?).

And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes ahead
With the grace of an adult
Not the grief of a child

Eto naman ang anti-asim at anti-ampalaya lecture.  Sa tuwing maha-heartbroken ka, isang buntong hininga lang yan.  Na parang natalo sa jack-en-poi.  Sabi ni Paolo Coelho, you just need seven days to grieve, after nun, nag-iinarte ka na lang.  (Ang record ko is 3 days, hahaha).

And you learn
To build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is
Too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way
Of falling down in mid flight

Eto ang lesson ng living in the present.  Wag bayaang ma-trap sa past, wag bayaang ma-stuck sa future.  Today is a gift, that's why they call it present.

After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much

Eto ang ipinayo ko sa girlfriend ng barkada ko na masyadong possesive.  Nagtaka sya kung bakit sya pinagpalit ng friend ko, despite ginawa nya ang lahat.  I told her, "yon ang problema mo, ginawa mo ang lahat.  $$$$, girlfriend ka lang.  hindi ka yaya, bodyguard, nanay, drinking buddy, labandera, kusinera or what-else ng barkada ko.  girlfriend ka, you should just be like one."

So you plant your own garden
And decorate your own soul
Instead of waiting
For someone to bring you flowers

Eto ang loving-yourself part, and my favorite.  Kanina i received a message from a guy whom i'm considering to date.  He noticed na parang dumadalang daw ang messages ko.  Nagpapaalam na raw ba ako?  O sumusuko?  Natatawa lang ako.  Hahaha.  Yes, i'm waiting for him na maka-move on sya from his previous relationship, but it doesn't mean na sa kanya na iikot ang mundo ko. 

And you learn
That you really can endure (Yes!)
That you are really strong (Sobra!)
And you really do have worth (Precious!)
And you learn and you learn (addict sa learning)
With every good bye you learn.

yan, goodbye daw.  sana you have learned something.

till next time.  n_n